Irreplaceable

I remember how once I told you that I would no longer write about people
people that in some way or another
ended up hurting me
hurting me to the point of making me cry
cry with pain and grief
Regrettably
those people become important
I see them all the time
I talk to them
and slowly they are part of my routine
of my day to day
I get used to seeing them
to the sound of their voices
their sense of humor
their laugh
even their habits are coupled to be like them
I felt so good around them
so calm
so happy
so alive
when I was with with them
after a while
I realized how important they are
I tell them
they say that they are the same
forge a close friendship
that you feel that if they are not there
you would break
you would feel lonely
they become irreplaceable
it happened to me like that recently
I did not think so much about that person
and unfortunately
things did not worked out
and honestly, I fucked up everything
I know
but now that he left
I feel alone
abandoned
sad
with terrible desire to scream
the worst of all
he is not affected
he look the same
without any sign of you need
that hurts even more
I made him part of my day to day
one more column of my life
column that keeps everything standing
firm
stable
at the end of the day I saw
what is given is returned
what you receive, you give back
you were attentive
and I instead of returning it
I just became selfish
I wanted more
More
and more
I’m so sorry
things will not be the same
I’m aware of it
I just hope that in the future
someday
when you look back
you see me
and know that it was not my intention
and I, in that moment
I will be different.
another person